Monday, December 20, 2010

the demon does not get to win

                Here I sit, AGAIN, eyes glued to the computer monitor, as if, in some miraculous manner, I will have an epiphany of sorts. My right hand, rather index finger reaches for the keyboard… my “rock star” friend has gotten me interested in writing a blog. I’m intrigued with the idea (that of getting back into writing again, some thing I did professionally for more than 15 years. The friend I speak of is no more a real rock star than I am. But, to me she is. Anna is the only friend/ acquaintance who’s been a constant and faithful visitor since June 2009 when a severe stroke claimed the left side of my body hence the one-handed (tight typing) It could have been worse. Much, much worse.
                I treasure Anna’s visits; she brings an actual ray of sunshine into my life. She’s from the Caribbean,  and her accent takes me right back to Barbados  my husband’s  and my vacation island of choice, more of Barbados in another entry – the place we hope to move to one day.
               Things seem much better when Anna’s here. She also takes me back to the days I was a vibrant, independent young woman – not the one who waits for the nurse to come or expects this computer to one-day free her.
                I’m making it sound like I have no life, someone who’s given up hope of resurrecting that former self… In fact, that woman will never again be back, in her totality, there are some fundamental parts of my former self that have been lost to the stroke (that little demon) and that I may never recover. The physical aspect, I have decided I will get back 200%. I’m told my sense of humour is better now; I hope I don’t lose that. My dad says I have inherited his British stubbornness ( I like to all it determination),which he likely wasn’t so keen on as I was growing up, but which he’s probably very proud of me now, considering progress I’ve made since June 2009.
               My husband, too, gives me much hope and joy I call him the other half of my heart. He’s been a constant, joyous part of my life since we met 34 years ago. He’s shown me bravery and strength, having not only survived, but thrived, following three bladder cancer surgeries and two lung cancer surgeries. I can barely imagine my life before I met him.
Stay healthy and safe!


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